68 BPM
by Scarlett71177
Summary: Edward's first day back at school after the trip to Volterra is more difficult than he anticipated. E/B


As I waited around the corner from Bella's house, watching for the Chief to leave, I counted the days, hours, and minutes since I'd set foot in Forks High School. Today, I would return. I could not help but wonder what the nosey student population had thought of my family's hasty departure last fall. Did they buy our excuse that Carlisle had a job offer in Los Angeles?

I wondered, not for the first time, how Bella behaved in my absence, and how her so-called friends treated her while I was away. I didn't worry for my own benefit—I worried for hers.

Thanks to Alice's conversations with Charlie, I had my first hint of what Bella's life was like in my self-imposed absence. My sister had been initially reluctant to replay the memories for me on our return from Volterra, worried perhaps that I would flee due to the guilt. But I eventually persuaded her. I needed to know how badly I'd hurt Bella. I was truly shocked—the depth of her feelings was far more than I had anticipated.

Charlie didn't have the same reluctance that Alice had. His usually quiet, difficult to read mind screamed with anger and frustration. Replayed exchanges flooded his thoughts: the tears, the arguments, the isolation from her friends, the sleepless nights, a near-catatonic Bella. If I'd had any idea of the mess I was going to make—or the loneliness she felt—I would not have deserted her.

Moments later, Charlie's cruiser backed out of the driveway, interrupting my reverie. Bella was alone. Though I'd only left her a little more than two hours ago, I knew she worried I wouldn't return.

I sped toward the driveway, eager to reassure her that I was here—_that I would always be here_—unless she ordered me away.

Bella was at her window already, looking down to the street, her teeth worrying at her lip, the tension and fear exhibited on her face; her arms were folded across her body, as though holding herself together. I could hear the rapid beating of her heart over the purr of the Volvo's engine. An instant pang of guilt threatened. _I_ had done this to her.

When I parked the car in the street, her pulse slowed slightly, fighting to return to normal. I cut the engine and climbed out of the car, leaning on the roof as I smiled up at her and mouthed the words "I love you," hoping to calm her further.

It worked.

Her shoulders visibly rose and fell with a relieved sigh. Her arms casually fell to her side, and she wiggled her fingers at me before stepping away from the window to continue her morning routine.

I folded my arms and rested them atop the car and resumed thinking. _What had I done to this innocent, beautiful, fragile angel?_ I couldn't really imagine what the last six months had been like for her. I had gleaned from Charlie that she hadn't maintained a relationship with her school friends, and he was very disappointed about that, but I didn't know if Bella pushed them away or if they hadn't been faithful. _What had school been like for her? Had they ignored her? Laughed behind her back?_

The thought made me angry and frustrated. _Did they turn their backs on her in a time of need? How difficult had it been for her to attend classes every day? How difficult would it be for her today? Would my presence make things better—or worse?_

I found myself anxious suddenly, and it was an emotion I didn't much care for. I worried for her. I wanted her first day back to be relaxed, not a barrage of overly-personal questions asked by nosey students who masqueraded as friends but really didn't give a damn.

Today would be awkward. It might be downright painful between my burning thirst and watching Bella suffer, but I would endure it for her. She had suffered enough because of me, I wouldn't make today any more difficult. I could withstand all the gossip and whispers the Forks High students could hurl at me. I deserved every harsh word and more.

With Alice's help, I would do what we could to make this odd transition smoother. True, we would all graduate soon, and these inconsequential human lives would mean nothing to me, but I wanted Bella's memory of her human friends to be positive—no matter what her fate—whether our recent deal of her eternity in exchange for our wedding held fast or not. We would further ingratiate ourselves to the humans.

I heard her feet on the stairs stumbling once before she yanked open the front door and stepped onto the porch. Her brown eyes darted nervously between myself and the step below her. Her red, chewed lips and fingernails were a witness to the anxiety she felt.

Her always slight frame now looked positively emaciated. At night, when I took her in my arms, my fingers easily slipped in the spaces between her fragile ribs. The dark circles ringing her eyes hinted at the quality of sleep she received; nightmares still plagued her unconscious mind. I tried my best to soothe her with gentle caresses and the melody of her lullaby, but sometimes letting her soak my shirt with tears while she fisted the material and pulled herself as close as possible was the only way to calm her.

All told, Bella looked like a ghost of the girl she was. But she was still beautiful, still wielded the same power over me, still in denial of both.

Never taking my eyes off her, I moved around the front of the car to the passenger side, leaning against the front panel while I waited for her. She squinted up at the misting sky and sighed. She raised the hood on her sweatshirt and hunched her shoulder up, resituating her backpack before scuffing across the dewy grass toward my car.

Immeasurable guilt threatened to overcome me as I watched her trudge, head down, toward me. My broken girl. I would apologize for the hundredth time for what I had done but moreover; I would fix this, fix _her_ by restoring her faith in me. My devotion would be unswerving, more steadfast than ever. I would _show_ her the depth and breadth of my love. I would say, do, _give_ _her_ anything she wanted.

Opening my arms, I drew her in my embrace, and pushed back the hood of her sweatshirt. "I'm so sorry, love," I breathed, pressing my lips to the hollow beneath her ear. I was sorry for leaving seven months ago, I was sorry for leaving this morning, I was sorry for being a monster, but most of all I was sorry that I'd underestimated her and how much she really did love me.

She didn't say anything but burrowed deeper into my arms and nuzzled my neck. "Do we have to go today?" she asked petulantly, finally relaxing into the rigidity of my arms.

"I'm afraid so," I replied morosely. "Only because when Mrs. Cope calls your father to ask why you aren't in school today, and just _happens_ to mention my absence too, we'll be in even more trouble after our little Spring Break trip." I pressed my forehead to hers and smirked. "Unless I forge us both excuses today, although that is rather transparent, isn't it?"

Her cheeks hitched up a little with the hint of a smile. "I suppose."

With practiced caution, I held her face in my hands, thumbs softly grazing the apples of her cheeks. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'll be right there beside you nearly all day."

I drove to school in relative silence, not speeding for once, wishing to prolong this alone time. Bella picked at the frayed knee of her jeans while I carefully and cautiously watched her behavior. As never before, I wished I could know her thoughts.

As we pulled into the parking lot, my earlier reassurance that the day would be uneventful began to falter. Alice had arrived ahead of us, and her appearance in Carlisle's instantly recognizable Mercedes was an occasion for the rumor mill to begin to circulate.

Our fellow students huddled together like roosting birds, twittering their gossip in whispers.

_Oh my God, are the Cullens back in town?_

_I wonder if Bella knows._

_Is it just Alice Cullen, or is Edward with her_?

_Does my hair look alright today? This could be my chance._

My sixth sense was already overwhelmed by the buzz of their idle chatter.

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, the leather creaking in my grasp. I tried, but I couldn't contain a faint growl.

Bella looked up and out the window abruptly, dropping the lock of hair she'd been inspecting and twisting around her fingers.

"What is it?" she asked, looking around the parking lot, acknowledging our arrival for the first time.

I sighed. "It seems our fame preceded us."

Despite the chilly early morning temperatures, they gawked and gossiped unabashedly, the traitorous evidence of their fickleness clouding in their breath around them.

I could hear Alice's apologetic thoughts as I approached my old 'usual' parking space—which had been given a wide berth today. _Sorry, they know we're back, but you probably already knew that._

Bella groaned, letting her head fall into her open hands. "Great," she grumbled.

Her remark gave me pause. _Was my presence making the day more difficult for her?_

Before I could question her, the passenger door of the Volvo was yanked open and Alice's smiling face filled the void. "Hi!" she chirped, reaching in and taking Bella by the hand.

My sister rambled on about fashion and how much she missed being with Bella, occasionally looking over her shoulder to catch my eye. She was obviously trying to distract Bella from the awkward stares and the dirt that was clearly being dished.

And I was glad.

_What the hell are the Cullens doing here?_

_Did Bella Swan come to school today with Cullen? Did she take that sleaze back? Damn it, I was gonna ask her out._

I scowled as I grabbed Bella's backpack and met her and Alice on the other side of the car. It had been annoying, to say the least, to return to a world of idle mental chatter and noise when I left Rio for Volterra and eventually returned to Forks, but it was a wholly other thing to be the subject of such annoying scandal. It hadn't been this bad since we'd first arrived in Forks a couple of years ago, and we had been the hot gossip.

Alice was trying her best to keep Bella's attention away from our nosey neighbors, but her gaze was beginning to drift around the campus.

"Ugh, honestly, is _everyone_ staring?"

I couldn't lie to her.

Alice slipped an arm around Bella's waist and leaned her head against Bella's shoulder. "Don't worry, Bella, everything will be fine—trust me," she said with a wink.

Bella rested her head against Alice's. "Thanks." And then she whispered, "I guess I'd better get used to being stared at if I'm going to become a vampire some day."

Alice beamed. I growled. "That's the spirit—though I'll only be there as a pile of ashes if I keep this conversation up." She inclined her head in my direction. "I'd better put some distance between me and my brother. I'll see you both at lunch."

The troublemaker gave Bella a squeeze and darted off to class.

Bella worried at her lip again, glancing around the parking lot at our 'peers.' "It's bad, isn't it? What they're thinking."

I felt my shoulders slump as I looked down at the damp pavement. "Nothing less than I deserve, but I don't care about what they're thinking. I want to know what _you_ are thinking. Do you want me to go? Is my presence making things more difficult today?"

Her eyes widened and her hand darted out to capture the sleeve of my jacket. "No. No, don't leave me, please."

I was instantly sorry I'd even mentioned it.

She launched herself into my arms, burrowing her face into my neck. "You promised you wouldn't leave."

I kissed the top of her head and smoothed her hair. "I'm not leaving." A part of me was thrilled that she continually chose me, wanted me, and wasn't afraid to show me—and anyone else—that fact. But a bigger part was horrified that I'd instilled this level of fear, distrust, and self-doubt in her. "I'm sorry, love, I just meant I'd wait for you at home if you wanted."

_Ugh, could they get any more co-dependent?_

_Did she take him back? How pathetic!_

I nearly trembled with the effort not to just…snap, but I remembered the beautiful, fragile girl in my arms.

"No, I want you here."

I hated that we were having this intimate conversation in the school parking lot with a few hundred onlookers. "I want to be here too," I whispered, tracing my finger down the slope of her nose. "But I would appreciate it if you told me what was wrong."

She shrugged and sniffed. "I just don't like being the center of attention—you know that. I just want things to be like they were, you know, before." Her eyes darted between mine and the pavement as she picked at the fraying hem of her sweatshirt.

Before I left.

The bell rang, signaling it was time for first period.

I took her hand, lacing my fingers through hers, leaving no doubt to anyone here that we were connected, together. We were stronger together than we could ever be apart. I would prove that to her. She would never have cause to doubt me again.

* * *

Just because I was cured of the desire for Bella's blood didn't mean my fellow classmates were off the menu if they didn't quit gaping. The stares and whispers continued as Bella led me into Mr. Berty's classroom for First Hour. I wondered if the seat I'd occupied behind Bella was still free or if someone else had swept in during my absence and staked a claim on my girl.

"Where do you want me to sit, love?" I asked, dropping my voice to a whisper.

She stopped abruptly, whirling around to face me. "In the seat behind me. Like always. No one wanted to sit by me, I was a little scary."

I shook my head and pressed a kiss to her hand. I guess I had the answer to my earlier question regarding her friends' fidelity. "I'm so sorry," I breathed, leading her to our seats at the back of the classroom.

I slid into my seat at the end of the row, and Bella took the usual desk ahead of mine, turning around to face me as I set our backpacks on the floor at our feet. She was chewing her lip again.

"What are they really thinking?" she asked as I reached out and gently stroked her bottom lip with my thumb, freeing it from her bite.

_Aw, Bella was just starting to turn herself around. I hope he doesn't leave her again._

_I heard she ran away over Spring Break to be with him. I wonder if it's true._

_He doesn't deserve Bella._

Ha. Tell me something I didn't know.

I shook my head. "Most of it isn't worth repeating. I'm not worried about what they think. I'm worried about you."

I would have said more, but Mr. Berty ambled into the room. "Settle down people. I need to take attendance." Bella hesitantly turned back to face the front of the classroom, but lowered her head and scraped the edge of the desk with her nail.

Four names would be called before mine. There was no doubt the faculty had been made aware that a former student had been enrolled in classes once again. If the class had not before been aware that I had returned to Forks, they were about to be.

"Edward Cullen?" Mr. Berty's eyes looked up from his grade book and widened when he saw me sitting in my old desk.

I raised my hand, confirming my presence.

"So it's true. Well, good to have you back, Cullen."

Bella was the only one who had not turned to look toward the back of the classroom. Twenty-six pairs of eyes and minds burning with curiosity, and I didn't give a damn about any of them. The only person who mattered to me fidgeted nervously in her seat.

As the roll call continued and one by one the faces turned away, Bella's shoulders began to shake as Mr. Berty neared the S's. The entire gawking process was repeated by our 'peers' when he called her name out. Her heartbeat, the soundtrack to my existence, accelerated rapidly and her blood, the sweetest perfume I would ever know, flushed with adrenaline.

Her hair was twisted up in a clip, exposing the back of her neck. I reached forward, ignoring the snooping eyes nearby and gently stroked her smooth skin from her hairline to the collar of her sweatshirt.

Almost imperceptibly, I felt her body immediately begin to unwind.

I repeated the action, this time starting behind her ear, caressing her warm, soft skin. "Close your eyes," I breathed in her ear. "Ignore them all. They don't matter. They will never have what we have. I love you, and I admire your amazing strength." My Bella was fragile, vulnerable, but that didn't mean she was weak. "Tell me what you're thinking." I used to ask her that on a daily basis, and though it had been months since I'd pestered her with the request, it felt like a comfortable habit once again.

She shook her head and let out another breath. "I'm thinking I should have taken up your offer to skip school today. I don't want to be here. I wish we were alone."

I wanted to be encouraging and show her how strong she could be on her own, but in the same moment, I was overjoyed she wanted and needed me because there would never be a day that I would not need her. I was the weak, co-dependent one. I found my happiness within her alone.

"Tell you what," I breathed against her ear, causing her to shiver. "If we make it through today, we can spend a little time in our meadow this afternoon. I promise."

The hint of a smile twitched at her lips. "That sounds like the best suggestion you've had in a long time."

* * *

I hoped the novelty of the Edward Cullen-Bella Swan Rekindled Romance Rumors would dissipate in a couple hours, but by fourth period I had my excuse written and Carlisle's signature forged.

Aside from their pathetic interest in mine and Bella's love life and what we may have done over Spring Break—my favorite theory involved us running away to join a Kool-Aid drinking cult and undergoing a secret ritual (They had no idea how close they were to being dead on with that one,) –the noise was enough to drive me insane. I'd spent months in the silence of my own mind, and to be back amongst these flighty, petty, self-centered humans was nearly unbearable. I wanted more time alone with Bella, uninterrupted, unsupervised.

As much as I wanted to say the constant speculation didn't hurt my feelings—and it didn't— it still wasn't easy to hear other people cite the reasons I shouldn't be with Bella. It was a horrible reminder of what I had done to the most beautiful thing in my world.

I arranged my face in a mask of inattention for Bella's sake. She kept asking me what they were thinking and saying about us. I didn't want to lie to her, nor did I want her to suffer at my expense. I would smile and be strong for her.

From out of the din, I heard a voice much louder than the rest. _Yoo-hoo!_

I recognized it instantly.

_You will definitely want to avoid the parking lot at lunch if you plan on taking Bella to your meadow. If you go out there, I have this horrible vision of you having the Newton kid for a snack._

I couldn't work out why I'd leave Bella at all when Alice answered me.

_The pear she stuffed in her hoodie pocket this morning fell out. Just tell her I'll get it for her._

It was _almost_ tempting to go out and meet Newton. His thoughts, naturally, had been the worst. In addition to his head full of memories of Bella in her 'scary' phase, his head was full of ideas of how he could cheer her up. I wanted to make him stop thinking. Forever. Each time he passed us in class or in the hall, he speculated about how many girlfriends I'd had in L.A., if I told Bella the truth, and how she was too good for me. The latter certainly hit close to home.

* * *

By 3:30, I had the vampire's version of a migraine. I hadn't felt this horrible since my first few days as a vampire when I realized I had the ability to hear what others thought. I had unsuccessfully tried to tune out the study body of Forks High School, but it was difficult to put my old skills into practice, and besides—I deserved every rotten thing they had to say about me. And worse.

If I hadn't made Bella a promise to go to the meadow, I would have found somewhere quiet and given myself a respite, but when did thinking of myself ever do me any good?

I ran out to the meadow with Bella on my back for a very quick visit. Curfew still existed at the Chief's house, and if he had any idea we were alone out here, I was sure her grounding would last even longer.

Spring had come to the meadow in my absence, and the field was alive with wildflowers and the gentle hum of a bee buzzing. There were no humans for miles. No thoughts.

Bella slid off my back and haphazardly spread out her sweatshirt before sitting down and patting her lap. I wasted no time in laying down perpendicular to her, resting my head in her lap. Though I'd never heard a single thought in her head, I realized I couldn't completely turn off my ability and attempts to try and penetrate that gorgeous brain of hers. "I'm so proud of you today. Tell me what you're thinking."

She shook her head. "Absolutely not. I know you had just as tough a day as I did. Maybe worse. You don't always have to be strong for me, you know. I know they said and thought awful things. So, I don't want to talk. There's plenty of time for talking on the way home or later tonight."

Her fingers threaded through my hair, running over my scalp, tugging firmly on my locks. It felt so unbelievable, I groaned. How did she always know how to take care of me? Would there ever come a day when I could reciprocate? I closed my eyes, ignoring the bee buzzing in the cone of a nearby foxglove, shook off the residual drivel from my classmate's minds, and tuned in to the sixty-eight beats per minute of Bella's generous heart—the most important sound in my world.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Much thanks to vnfan for the advice and beta. This fic was greatly improved by your suggestions._

_This piece was written for the TwiCanonFodder community challenge here at I will link the comm in my profile._

_I never saw this piece as a 'sequel' to Playing Footsie, but similar situation by finding comfort through your beloved's touch._


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